Time and time again I find myself in a space that I didn't even realise I stepped into. I lost track of things and found myself at a low point again. Life feels overwhelming, it feels negative on every angle and I feel like I lost the spring in my step.
Yeah it sucks. Life is just a series of highs and lows.
So it's good news and bad news. I like to think of myself as a pretty positive person and that I always bounce. I have been taking some strain over the past month or so and have found it very difficult to 'bounce back' to my normal happy self. My glow is gone and I just feel bleh. I generally don't hate anyone and find a way to let go of whatever negative emotions I have fairly quickly.
So I find myself in a few sticky situations.... my work environment is quite a bit toxic at the moment and some people's insecurities are getting me a bit down. It feels like I am in one of those spaces where I really just cannot win or do anything right at this point in time. This morning I was ready to just give up and throw in the towel. Cut my loses and well just melt in a puddle and sulk. But that is not me either. My last bit of fighter in me is hanging on for dear life and only just just.
So there are always a few go to techniques I go to which help me find my centre again. Now let me just add at this point I am not in the mood to really give it anymore but I know once I start things are bound to get better and this is my first step in the direction on my dreams again to that happy version of who I enjoy being. Just as quickly as things fall apart, you can sew them back together. The feeling on my heart is very unpleasant at the moment and I want it gone gone gone....
So whats my secret.... Gratitude. Finding things to be grateful even in the darkest of places.
Right now and right here I will list a few:
1 - I am grateful for my students because they fill my heart with a different type of love.
They make me laugh. They make me cry. They drive me crazy - but I wouldn't have it any other way. All they want is some of my time and attention and that doesn't cost a cent.
2 - I am grateful for my job at DNR because I love everything about that School
I was in boarding school so I understand what a lot of the kids feel. I love the students and I have some super awesome fellow teachers that make me laugh on a daily basis.
3 - I am grateful for the great friends I have made along the way all over the world
Sure I miss my besties with a sore heart but I have met some amazing people on my travels and they have crawled into my heart and mean so much to me.
4 - I am grateful that I have the opportunity to live the beautiful Thailand
What an amazing country, with beautiful land, beautiful people, amazing food and awesome weather.
5 - I am grateful that I get to ride my scooter every day because it gives me freedom and independence. Now this is not something I ever though I would do and I really proud that I managed to conquer that fear with the help of a very patient friend.
So there you are... just 5 things and I can already feel a shift. Fair enough I need to dig a little deeper to deal with an issue or two but that is not really for public display - sorry!
Somehow, somewhere along the way I hope this helps somewhere along the way as so many stories have helped me and made me think again and never give up hope. Most times what you have been working for and dreaming about is just around the corner.
All My Love