Hello you beauties!!!
This is the post I was inspired to write while I was abroad! It is probably the first inspiration I have had since November. It's my take on love and where I stand on it at the moment. Everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion and this is purely my own.
Do I have all the answers? NO.
I have been through a lot and yet I still believe in true love.
But here is what I think...
What you actively pursue will evade you. When you are ready and content with life. Not needing it. It will come to you. Whatever it is that you need at that point in time. So yes I have been in a long term relationship. We were in love. We dated for 5 years before we got engaged. We took a year to plan the perfect wedding, 2 years later we got divorced. I am not here to talk about why it failed.
So if you reading it for that, move on and close the post.
After being through the most painful thing I have ever been through in my life, a divorce. It is one of those things you will never truly understand until you have been through it, no matter how compassionate and empathetic of a person you might be. I don't wish it upon anybody and definitely don't want to go through it again.
Do I still believe in true love? Yes.
Do I deserve it? Yes.
Will I find it? Well I hope so, but I am not looking for it.
I am just trying to be the best version of myself I can be while fulfilling my dreams and trying to live a life I will remember with no regrets. I wouldn't change a thing about my life because I wouldn't be who I am today. The good and the rough have shaped me. I do sometimes wish I knew then what I know now but I have always made the best decisions I could at that point in time with the knowledge and wisdom I had.
I often miss things that are quite obvious. I can't help it. I don't look for it and some self doubt always plays a part. I can see when there is love between other people. I respect other people's relationships. Yet when I like a guy, I am never truly sure if he likes me too. Two of my friends, Jaydine & Jamie, recommended a book: He is just not that into you. Hmmmm... this seems like such a desperate book to read but hey, I love reading and I love learning. Especially when it comes to the way people think and how they operate.
About a month before I left for the UK, I decided you know what... No more running after a guy's affections. If they like me, they'll make the effort. Because you know what... I am worth it. That simple. So I began putting it into practise. This book supports my entire theory! Here is it... if they like you, they will make the effort. Get your number (From you or a friend), find you on facebook... in other words... simply track you down. And he will talk to you because he wants to. No matter how busy his day is. He will message you and keep the conversation going. Its not up to you to drive the entire thing. It is mutual. He'll stick around.
People may not tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you.
Now now not every guy you get a friend request from on FB is your potential boyfriend. I mean they will show you that they are interested. I'm not up for games. If they playing games.... then they just not that into you! And I am not saying play hard to get either. It's simple a balance of give and take. Not begging for attention.
With my past 3 boyfriends I thought they were out of my league and I would normally think.. He can't like me because I'm not that amazing. Yes I am.
This new philosophy was like a huge 'aha' moment. Be confident. Own who you are. Be who you want to be. If you not who you want to be, start being that person today. #JustOwnIt It's that simple. I liked a pair of sunglasses, did they suit me? Maybe not. Did I care? No. I wear them anyway because I don't care what anyone else thinks.
I wish I knew then what I know now. My entire life would have been different. I spent so much time trying to make other people happy and worrying about what they thought, that I almost never put myself first. Yeah I get it, it will change when you have kids, but I don't have kids right now. But I will one day with the right person.
I never put myself above others, I will always be considerate but if a decision is in my own best interests, I need to do what is right for me. If I don't love me and put myself first, no one else is going to do it for me.
I don't love in half measures. I never have and I never will. I will give time to those who make time for me. I am also not out to find love, love will find me. I am making friends where ever I go and just being my authentic self.
I'm making the most out of my life. Living life to the fullest and doing all the crazy fun things I want to do. Starting over at 29 was overwhelming and scary. But I'm embracing it. Doing handstands at parties, paragliding over Ashbourne or ice-skating with my 14 year old cousin and falling so hard your knee is purple and black... who cares I am having fun and loving it!
Love me or leave me.
This is who I am.