Wednesday, 2 October 2013

The Four Agreements: Part 5 ~ The Third Agreement: Don't Make assumptions

Hello there my beautiful people!

I hope everyone has had a lovely week so far and enjoying this beautiful spring weather! This week we are covering the Third Agreement: Don't make assumptions. This is something we all do whether we realise it or not. 

Please do remember, this is only my personal interpretation. If you enjoy the parts I cover I do encourage you to purchase this book to get a more clear and thorough picture of the Toltec Teachings. Click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & Part 4 if you missed it. 

Assumptions.. are the mother of all mess ups! How often do your think you assume things.. assumptions themselves are not the problems. It is the fact that we believe them to be the truth and our whole world revolves around these non-truths. 

"We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. we make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a while big drama for nothing." ~ The Four Agreements

I could not explain this agreement better than the above excerpt. Most sadness and drama we have experienced have been rooted in assumptions, expectations and taking things personally. I am no different and have learnt this lesson many times over. 

Expectations arise because we assume the other person should 'know what we are thinking'. If we took some time and asked them directly instead of assuming they will know, we would eliminate a lot of hurt and misunderstandings. 

"Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and we believe we are right about the assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong." ~ The Four Agreements

It is always better to ask questions than to make assumptions, that way we can avoid setting up ourselves for suffering and misunderstandings. 

"We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don't perceive things the way they are. We have a habit of dreaming with no basis in reality" ~ The Four Agreements

Reality is in our mind. This agreement ties in so closely with the second agreement. We make an assumption that someone would know exactly what you expect, and when they live their lives according to their rules and not our standards, we take it personally. You can see how this all creates a lot of unnecessary hurts and misunderstandings. 

"We have the need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to feel safe." ~ The Four Agreements

This quote links back to our Book of Law, we feel safe when we stick to our own rules and personal agreements. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions and go against our "rule book". Those brave individuals who do find this courage and go against the grain are either admired or outcast. 

Here is a quote that I have experienced time and time again: "We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse." ~ The Four Agreements

With all these rules and assumptions in place, we are afraid to be ourselves most of the time - just in case we are rejected. So we assume we are supposed to act this way, behave that way and so on. Playing these roles instead of being who we really are, we reject ourselves before others have the opportunity to reject us. 

We also make assumptions about ourselves. We can overestimate or underestimate ourselves. We like to justify our wants, needs and desires.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." ~ Marianne Williamson

If you like someone, simply fall in love with them as they are. Don't try change them, because then you didn't really like them in the first place. 

"Find someone whom you don't have to change at all. It is much easier to find someone who is already the way you want him or her to be, instead of trying to change that person" ~ The Four Agreements

The reverse applies, be with someone who loves you as you are.

Just imagine the day that you stop making assumptions with your partner and eventually with everyone else in your life. your way of communicating will change completely, and your relationships will no longer suffer from conflicts created by mistaken assumptions." ~ The Four Agreements

Just for today, ask questions instead of making assumptions. Be sure you are communicating clearly. If you don't understand, ask, ask, ask!

The last point on this agreement is that just as you have the right to ask questions, you also have the right to answer yes or no. 

"Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable" ~ The Four Agreements

"Becoming aware of these habits and understanding the importance of this agreement is the first step. But understanding is not enough. Information or an idea is merely the seed in your mind. What will really make the difference is action. Taking action over and over again strengthens your will, nutures the seed, and establishes a solid foundation for the new habit to grow." ~ The Four Agreements

My wish for you is: Be clear in your communications and ask if you do not understand. 


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