Wednesday, 25 September 2013

The Four Agreements: Part 4 ~ The Second Agreement: Don't take anything personally

Hello my lovelies and welcome back :) 

I hope everyone had a blessed Heritage day. This week we are covering the Second Agreement: Don't take anything personally. This is something we all do and if we can master this agreement, our lives would become much less complicated.

Please do remember, this is only my personal interpretation. If you enjoy the parts I cover I do encourage you to purchase this book to get a more clear and thorough picture of the Toltec Teachings. Click here for Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3 if you missed it. 

This was quite a big lesson I have had to learn through out my life so far. My hubby and all my friends know I am a super sensitive person. And time and time again I have to remind myself 2 things:
- What people think of me is none of my business
- How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. 

Just as my world is about me, their world is about them. Often we forget and assume we are the most important person in their lives too, but this is our own illusion. Yes we are important to the people close to us, but their lives are about them, and just as we make decisions based on what is best for us, so do they. 

If someone insults us, we only take offence if on some level, we ourselves believe this. This person is offering you poison and you are accepting this and making it your own. 

'You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell. What causes you to be trapped is what we call personal importance. Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me".' ~ The Four Agreements

What other people do is not about you, it is about them. If they insult you, they are trying to make themselves feel better, the opposite applies. If they compliment you it is because they are a happy person and are not looking for any darkness within you, they only see your light. 

"Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you, What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.' ~ The Four Agreements 

I'll never forget a conversation I had a long time ago; maybe someone was rude to you and you got upset and took it personally. It ruined your day and you kept wondering "what did I do wrong" when maybe they had indigestion or a headache. They were snappy because they weren't feeling well. Now sometimes when someone is snappy I just think to myself, maybe they have indigestion, I end up laughing and walking away. Ten to one, the next time they see you, they won't even remember what happened and act like nothing happened anyway. 

If we can learn not to take on other people's baggage, our load becomes much lighter. Don't accept their poison, it will only make you unhappy. Let it go and walk away. If we can master this agreement, we can disable 75% of our 'silly' agreements we have made with ourselves. 

'I know that when you are happy you will tell me, 'Miguel, you are such an angel!' But, when you are mad at me you will say, "Oh, Miguel, you are such a devil! You are so disgusting. How can you say those things?' Either way, it does not affect me because I know what I am. I don't have the need to be accepted.' ~ The Four Agreements 

What people say can only hurt us if we still have the wounds that are tender. In your life, what you see and feel is based on your beliefs and agreements. If we have made peace with our 'hurts' and we acknowledge our 'weaknesses' no one can use it against us as we won't have the need to defend ourselves. 

Your point is view is something very personal to you and it is your truth. It does not belong to anyone else. When we feel fear, anger and jealousy, we project this onto others. because we are afraid and this has now become our truth. 

'If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions, it is logical that you will feel good. When you feel good, everything around you is good. When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy. You are loving everything that is around you, because you are loving yourself.' ~ The Four Agreements 

We are beautiful beings of light and are made of love. This is the only thing you need to believe about yourself. What other people think doesn't matter. Don't set yourself up to suffer, as this is a huge tendency for us. It is so easy to believe the bad, and takes us ten times longer to believe the good. Not taking anything personally sets your free. 

'You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments and actions of others.' ~ The Four Agreements

This my friends is my wish for you this week. Find some peace and know you are wonderful and don't need the approval of others. 



  1. Replies
    1. Thank you Jennifer :) It makes me so happy to hear that! Thank you for popping in :)

  2. This is something we learn as we age and mature. I am in my 40's now and could care less what anyone thinks..ha! Wonderful post

    1. I don't think we will ever stop learning, which is a good thing. Sometimes we just have to re-learn some lessons. Hopefully I will get to the "I don't care stage" sooner than later. Thank you Kimba :)

  3. This was on the card that Anjolie drew two Thursdays ago:
    'Don’t let your feelings be hurt by someone who doesn’t have the soul to judge you!'

    1. It's amazing how true that is thought, when we are angry, the only person we hurt is ourselves and we give control over to that person. My card was Love your self and your inner beauty, other will naturally love you as well, (or something along those lines).

  4. I skipped to this fourth part, but will check out two and three. Beautifully put and very insightful from you as always. It amazes me that I always seem far more hurt by the negative comments I receive than the positive ones. But it's up to me to change that.

    1. Thank you John :) You will always skip to the parts you need to read or the message you are meant to get today. I am the same, and only we can change our world and our minds!

  5. How can we learn to live without fear, Chanzie? This is a concept most difficult for me. Martial arts? I have no fear. But translating that to life in general is something I find challenging. I would love to rise above that, I suppose it is something I am working on. But I thank you for posting these topics. I suppose you r take on how we might overcome these challenges would be insightful and useful!

    1. Fear is all in our mind. As long as are aware of these things, we can always work on it I think :) We all have things we need to work on and some things we probably are not even aware of that we fear. Don't be too hard on yourself :) That is what my guru always tells me. Life is hard enough as it is!


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