Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Topic of Light: Healthy Boundries

Aloha and Welcome back to my next Topic of Light

This week's topic was inspired by a discussion I heard while at meditation class and a dream I had. Lets start with the following question: 'What is the difference between putting up a healthy boundary and putting up a wall?' They are both so similar and we might not even realise the difference. 
- A healthy boundary is when we protect ourselves from being used or walked over yet still remain open and loving. 
- A wall is when we completely shut out other people or cut ourselves off from society.  

I had this dream about magic and setting boundaries. In the dream I drew up magical lines (as my boundaries), almost like a fence . On the other side there was this person who kept reaching over trying to reach towards me. This represented the people closest to me. Unfortunately this is often what happens, it is so easy to protect ourselves on a healthy level from people we don't know so well, yet when it comes to the people closest to us, we almost don't know how to say No, and we end up feeling angry or hurt because of it. Boundaries keep you protected, yet allow you love and keep your heart open. A long time ago I heard a conversation between 2 people, One said: 'It is better to say no and find peace, than to say yes with an angry heart'.

We set up walls because we been hurt in the past, these walls end up trapping you. Dont let those past hurts influence you current gems you have in your life. I'm not saying forgive and forget to let it all happen again. Rather forgive and learn from it. If you can find the lesson in the situation, you can grow and become a better person.

Just because you are nice, understanding and accepting, doesn't give people the right to walk over you, they only do this because you let them. You control how people treat you and you teach people how to treat you. We often let people treat us like this out of fear, whether it be fear of them leaving, or fear of them not liking you, it is not healthy for you.

A wise person told me we will always let people treat us a little worse than we treat ourselves. 

I did not believe this or understand this when I first heard this statement. I thought 'that is nonsense, why on earth would we let people treat us a little worse'. Yet after much inspection and observation, we do this either because of guilt, obligation  or many other reasons. 

Step into your magic and love unconditionally. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. 

My wish for you this week is: 'Know your limits, set your boundaries.'


PS look out for my next post: Part 1 of the 4 Agreements

If you have any thoughts on this, please feel free to comment :) and don't forget to like the post!


  1. This is such a great topic and I think too often after we are hurt we put up walls.

    1. Thank you Kimba :) Its true and most times we don't even realise it.

  2. I do know my limits, but sometimes others around me push those limits in an unhealthy way. This blog post really spoke to me, and I love that. I cannot resent others for the walls I put between myself and them. I simply must make my own boundaries work.

    1. Its when people push those limits that we learn the most about ourselves :) I am so glad that you got something out of this post!

  3. Such an awesome post, Chene. When I am around people who say 'don't mind me, I'm just in a mood' it CAN affect you if you don't pull them out of it. It's not about forcing someone to be happy, but to realise that not all things in their lives are bad. You always have such a refreshing take on things. This is why your blog is the best one I have come across, I say that as a friend and a fan!

    1. Thank you John :) I really appreciate your kind words and feedback :) If we all managed our own emotions, life would be a lot easier.


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